Every time I looked in the mirror growing up, all I saw was how my CP affected me. I was embarrassed by the way I looked, and had an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability. I knew that when I was in bed at night I could use my dreams as a way to escape my insecurities. Especially in my teens, I resorted to sleep as a way to get away from the stresses of my daily life.
However, my dreams had a way of exposing my deep-seated fears just as much as they could erase them. As I got into my mid-teens I began experiencing a lot of illness and anxiety and one of my close friends left. I was still trying to come to terms with his absence. I began to have nightmares every night about things that would give me sleep paralysis or wake me up with a startle.
I then realized that if I wanted to change this, I would need to challenge myself to conquer new experiences. I began by taking public speaking which helped me learn to speak with conviction and more clearity. This helped me so much in my social life. I learned how to initiate conversations, make eye contact and debate. I was also able to speak about what was important to me and ended up touching some people's hearts at the end of the course. This reaction and positive feedback made me more confident in my abilities.
My next step was to change my thinking patterns. This was like training a cat, but eventually I learned how to get passed anxiety climaxes and work through them. I wanted to make a difference, so I joined my school's "I Am Norm" group and outreach mission. Here, I was able to help others feel included and speak to audiences about getting everyone involved in their activities. Through the group, I am able to meet a variety of students and learn their stories which help me stay grateful for what I do have. Being a part of this group has helped me accept differences more and realize that everyone has different talents and qualities to bring to the table.
Something else that has become very important to me is my relationship with God and I cannot do His will if I'm laying in bed all day!
I also found out what makes me feel comfortable with who I am, like covering my hair out of respect for God and my future husband. I like to journal and write down my daily life to see my feelings as I am a very visual person.
I literally tell myself "just do it, so you won't regret it" throughout my day and especially when faced with a situation that is less than ideal. When a situation like this arises, I have been training myself to tune out every distraction that would keep me from my goal.
MY TIPS FOR BUILDING CONFIDENCE AND WHY:
1.) Take public speaking - trust me, it helps! We are constantly having to interact with others. In interviews you need to make a great first impression and if you want your dream soul mate, it's so much better having them be REAL and not some made up character in REM sleep! Acting classes can also assist you in learning to audition for things like jobs. They will teach you how to express your feelings clearly too.
2.) Join a club/group - doesn't matter what kind it is as long as it gets you out in public and forces you to interact in someway. Try to join something you are passionate about as meeting like-minded people can help you feel more confident and involved
3.) Create a vision board - make a collage of your dreams and goals, separating them into general subjects like "Work", "Marriage & Family"and "Vactation". Making vision boards will help remind you of your goals and motivate you toward achieving them on a daily basis. This might also be fun to do with others
4.) Use positive affirmations - write a brief, specific dream/goal down as if it's already achieved. For example, instead of saying, "I will never get into that college," say, "I am thankful for my desire to learn and as I do my best, others will see my effort." Affirmations can be found online too, and can be written to suit any religious views if wanted
5.) Decide what's the worst that can happen - sometimes things just go too slow, but you know for certain that no matter what happens, time will still be moving forward. Picture yourself looking back on a stressful situation 10 years from when it happened. How did it feel to come out on top? What did you learn from the experience? Was it really all that bad?