It is natural for siblings to compete, to be jealous of each other and to fight, but this can be a bit harder if disability is added into it all. My friends and family joke and say that my brother and I "balance each other out". My brother was an only child for a while following his adoption, and then I was adopted. My brother was a really spirited, somewhat outspoken boy growing up, while I tended to be more delicate, but talkative. He needed to learn to be more gentle, while I needed to get a bit tougher.
When I was younger, I had much less mobility which meant that my mother and caregivers needed to be with me much more frequently and able to drop everything at a moment's notice. It is completely understandable why my brother, being so young, might feel ignored. It was tough for my parents to explain the situation to him, and he would tease me.
I was easily offended when I was younger, and quick to yell at him, which added some stress on my parents, because I needed to learn to "pick my battles", and my brother had to realize that words can hurt, but also stick. However, as we got older, we tolerated each other more.
There were times that my brother felt I could've done more for myself, that sometimes it felt like I was taking advantage of my caregivers. This would anger me, as I felt I was doing the best I could with what I had been given.
It's hard to explain your disability to someone you just met, but in some cases it can be even harder with those you love. That doesn't make sense, you say, but actually it does. The more you are around someone the more you learn about them: their pet-peeves, their interests, their habits... You learn it all. You also learn what they are capable of. When you live with a disability, it never affects you the exact same way every day. For me, though I use my left arm for everything, there are some days that I cannot use it as well, and I have to rely more heavily on others, especially loved ones. And because they've known me so long, it is easy for them to think that maybe I'm "milking it" or something. It's always difficult to truly step into someone else's shoes.
Growing up, I often got jealous of my brother because he could do things I couldn't. From his perspective he'd sometimes be jealous that I got to drive a power wheelchair or have someone carry books for me at school. We had to learn to understand each other first before we could really help each other.
MY TIPS FOR FORMING A HEALTHY BOND WITH AN ABLE-BODIED SIBLING AND WHY:
1.) Attention - sometimes it can be difficult for an able-bodied child to distinguish between necessary attention and favortism. Try to show them as much attention as possible and offer modified activities that both siblings can agree on. Also, if you're a parent, when your disabled child is with a caregiver, give the other child undivided attention.
2.) Modify - offer activities that interest both parties, and modify them a little to include a disabled child when needed. It is important to compromise.
3.) Helping hand - especially with younger children, it is important for them to feel helpful and included. Have an able-bodied sibling help out as much as possible with their disabled child. This could mean letting them help push a wheelchair, carry things, open doors or entertain the disabled sibling.
4.) Accept differences - the able-bodied sibling might be able to do much more than their disabled sibling, and by explaining the situation to the able-bodied child, they will be able to compromise easier. From the other perspective, the best thing to do is be grateful for what they can do. Share in each other's happiness, allow space when needed and offer each other support when able.
5.) Realize normal sibling rivalry - all siblings will pick on each other at some point, some more than others. Understand that an able-bodied sibling might not be making fun of their disabled sibling, but if it seems as though they are, address this appropriately and right when it happens. From the other perspective, ignore, no matter what type of teasing it is. Don't tease back, because you'll be keeping the ball in the air. Drop the subject and switch to something else.
When I was younger, I had much less mobility which meant that my mother and caregivers needed to be with me much more frequently and able to drop everything at a moment's notice. It is completely understandable why my brother, being so young, might feel ignored. It was tough for my parents to explain the situation to him, and he would tease me.
I was easily offended when I was younger, and quick to yell at him, which added some stress on my parents, because I needed to learn to "pick my battles", and my brother had to realize that words can hurt, but also stick. However, as we got older, we tolerated each other more.
There were times that my brother felt I could've done more for myself, that sometimes it felt like I was taking advantage of my caregivers. This would anger me, as I felt I was doing the best I could with what I had been given.
It's hard to explain your disability to someone you just met, but in some cases it can be even harder with those you love. That doesn't make sense, you say, but actually it does. The more you are around someone the more you learn about them: their pet-peeves, their interests, their habits... You learn it all. You also learn what they are capable of. When you live with a disability, it never affects you the exact same way every day. For me, though I use my left arm for everything, there are some days that I cannot use it as well, and I have to rely more heavily on others, especially loved ones. And because they've known me so long, it is easy for them to think that maybe I'm "milking it" or something. It's always difficult to truly step into someone else's shoes.
Growing up, I often got jealous of my brother because he could do things I couldn't. From his perspective he'd sometimes be jealous that I got to drive a power wheelchair or have someone carry books for me at school. We had to learn to understand each other first before we could really help each other.
MY TIPS FOR FORMING A HEALTHY BOND WITH AN ABLE-BODIED SIBLING AND WHY:
1.) Attention - sometimes it can be difficult for an able-bodied child to distinguish between necessary attention and favortism. Try to show them as much attention as possible and offer modified activities that both siblings can agree on. Also, if you're a parent, when your disabled child is with a caregiver, give the other child undivided attention.
2.) Modify - offer activities that interest both parties, and modify them a little to include a disabled child when needed. It is important to compromise.
3.) Helping hand - especially with younger children, it is important for them to feel helpful and included. Have an able-bodied sibling help out as much as possible with their disabled child. This could mean letting them help push a wheelchair, carry things, open doors or entertain the disabled sibling.
4.) Accept differences - the able-bodied sibling might be able to do much more than their disabled sibling, and by explaining the situation to the able-bodied child, they will be able to compromise easier. From the other perspective, the best thing to do is be grateful for what they can do. Share in each other's happiness, allow space when needed and offer each other support when able.
5.) Realize normal sibling rivalry - all siblings will pick on each other at some point, some more than others. Understand that an able-bodied sibling might not be making fun of their disabled sibling, but if it seems as though they are, address this appropriately and right when it happens. From the other perspective, ignore, no matter what type of teasing it is. Don't tease back, because you'll be keeping the ball in the air. Drop the subject and switch to something else.