On Friday, I had the pleasure of meeting Ephraim and Amanda Stoltzfus, whose journey of leaving the Amish for the Bible, caught my interest and deepest admiration a couple years ago, when I saw their documentaries on YouTube. Absolutely inspired and blessed by their stand for God, I showed it to our Bible fellowship, and my parents and friends that saw it had felt the same way. My mother wrote them recently, explaining that I was granted a 7-day, all-expense trip to Philadelphia and Lancaster, and that I was so very moved by their story. A few hours before we left for the airport to go to Philadelphia, Ephraim called my mother. She was shocked and excited, and we were overjoyed at the thought of how God made it possible to connect. So, Friday was such a wonderful end to my dream trip, to meet them and their 6 kids; Marie, Samuel, Andrew, Christopher, Faith and Jonathan.
Ephraim and the kids showed my mom, Lara and I the barn animals and some of the chores they had to do. They fed the calves, showed us the 5-day old kids (baby goats), taught Lara how to catch "run away" chickens, and how to mix up the milk formula for the calves. Outside their kitchen window, there's a vast fenced yard, and it was a sweet sight to see a whole group of goats rush across the yard, with a tractor coming down the driveway. The children are homeschooled and told us they are learning some Arabic, which was displayed on a large sheet of paper on the kitchen wall.
After a while of playing, laughing and working outside, we all congregated in the living room where Ephraim shared with us what it was like growing up Amish, and how he came to read the Bible in English, which launched him into an incredible self-discovery period of living for God and by the Bible, rather than his religious leaders in the Amish church. The peace that flooded him and his wife afterward was tremendous, and though the excommunication had been and will be difficult, with God's love, grace and forgiveness at the center of their lives instead of a set of man-made rules, they have learned to rise above great adversity.
I had come on this trip because of my childhood fascination with the Amish culture, but when we finally got into Lancaster, I realized God was saying, "this is the place, and time." The place and time had come to "lay Henry to rest", so to speak, in my mind. The first 4 days among the farmland and Plain People had reminded me so very much of him and the things he told me, taught me and held onto, that I sometimes found myself crying.
At lunch on Friday, Ephraim told us that before each meal, they all sing a church song. That was the moment I felt myself release the heartache with regards to Henry. I felt like crying tears of joy as I suddenly felt my heart breathe and I thought to myself, "be seeing you." It didn't mean that I was rejoicing in Henry's absence, or that I'd forget him... I just finally came to terms with it and in that very moment, let go of the pain I had harbored inside for so many years. Having briefly told Ephraim of this heartache, he said a couple things that day, that for me, served as the last bit before everything seemed to come full circle. "Living like the Amish is fine, so long as it isn't your religion," (meaning some values and morals are good, but don't do it out of obligation or law) and "it's very important to know why you're doing something, and not just doing it because someone said to." Henry was very opinionated and had been an incredible friend and influence in my early life, and much of what he said, I soaked in, including some borderline legalistic views.
I will always hold Henry's friendship very dear in my heart, but at that moment that Ephraim counseled me, I no longer blamed myself for Henry leaving. I looked out over the farmland and thought about how much he loved the simple, natural life, and I also thought that as much as he had helped me, and loved me, he had sometimes been quite pushy with his beliefs... And perhaps I was choking in the idea that if I follow his ideology in some ways, he'd somehow return.
As we were getting ready to leave, 2-year-old, Jonathan wanted to ride my power chair, so Ephraim and Amanda took turns holding him on the back as I inched my way over the gravel, and everyone cheered and laughed, sharing in the little boy's joy. That did something for me too, I think. It had always been one of my biggest questions and worries - whether or not I'd be able to be the mother I'd need to be for my child or children, and hearing little Jon squeal in excitement as his parents helped him ride my chair, that peace of God came over me again. My mother's words of encouragement came back then: "when he (my husband) kneels down on one knee, he'll mean it. [So], when he gets down on all fours to play with you and the kids, he'll mean it." L
Following an exchange of hugs, all 6 kids delighted in watching my chair get anchored to the car floor and in the electronic ramp and door closing. Amanda was saying, "look, Jonathan, look at the ramp! It's going up. How fun is that!?" Say bye-bye. Can you say bye-bye?" As we drove down the driveway, Andrew was sitting on his bike at the end of it, waving goodbye and I knew that we had just made lifelong friends.
As the butterflies fluttered in my stomach as the plane roared and sped down the runway, memories of Henry flooded my brain, like thousands of photos in a flip-book, and they were mixed with memories made with the Stoltzfus family.
As we lifted off the ground on our flight home, Lara and I whispered, "Bye Ephraim and Amanda!"
"When you visit them, take me with you," Lara said. "They are the best. That was so much fun." At that second, all the memories of Henry stepped back into a scrapbook on a shelf in my mind, and I rose above the clouds in more ways than one. So symbolic, so incredibly healing and an unbelievable moment of "be seeing you, friend. I love you, I'll be praying for you, but life goes on."
God is everywhere, in every moment here, now and before me. And I have no doubt that God put Ephraim and his family in my life to show me that yes, truly, God cares and heals.
Watch the documentary, "Trouble in Amish Paradise", on the Stoltzfus Family, available for free in its entirety on YouTube.