Whenever she was away, I'd have a friend of hers help me. I've had to be propped up against an aide's shoulder while they pulled up my underpants and lifted my seventeen-year-old body out of a tub. I've been dressed for bed and have had people tie my sneakers before I go to school. On my first day of sphomore year, I wanted to see how I'd get along without an aide in class. Within the first half hour, I dropped my pencil and gave up on note taking after the third line. At lunch that day, one of my teachers noticed I was barely touching my food. When the room was empty, I found myself looking up at the sky and crying. I let my shoulders sink and my anger flood and I began to sob so hard, I made no sound. I wanted my mom there to hug me. I wanted to throw my hands up for the nth time and say, "I'm done," but instead, I swallowed the tears again, dried my cheeks, inhaled deeply and chose to collect myself and be in the moment.
In this moment, I was eating lunch. So I chose to eat lunch. My wheelchair was higher than the table I was at, and my back hurt from bending over, but I was thankful for the table... for the choice of food and that my teachers cared about me.
Eventually, I received my school aide and she took all my burdens and put them on her shoulders, and I sighed and was thankful for the exchanged smiles between us. At home, I continued to struggle with my self-image. I did not like how I appeared in the mirror. All I saw was my Cerebral Palsy.
Being in the moment doesn't mean you have to forget everything you are here to do. It means you chose to conciously make an effort to focus on your breath, be grateful and remember that, as Niki Ochenski Weller said: "you can do anything for half a second." Use positive affirmations or scripture cards to feed your mind fruitful thoughts and step back and reflect on who you want to be in any given moment. Being in the moment can help prevent regret and strengthen your problem-solving skills. It gives you the time and strength to asess the situation and chose the right path. It reduces stress and gives off positive energy to those around you.
This poem by Derek Walcott is one of my most absolute favorites, as it focuses on self-image and even, being in the moment, via choosing to accept the situation and do what you can to make it better for yourself and others. We must all learn to help ourselves first and be grounded before we can ever expect to assist others in their emotional healing.