The Beginning...
While there is many a reason why I dress "Plainly", I will first start by telling you where the conviction began. As you may have read in previous posts, when I was 15 I lost an incredibly dear friend (who, for privacy, I refer to under the pseudonym "Henry"). Henry, 15 years my senior, had befriended me when I was nearly 7-years-old. He watched me grow into a young lady, and as I grew, we got closer and closer. Henry held a legalistic mindset similar to the Old Order Mennonites, yet he was never a member of a church. He didn't own a TV and only used a laptop at work, driving to and from work. He loved working with his hands, fixing the house or toiling in the yard, where his girlfriend would garden alongside him.
As I got into my early teens, I joined the selfie bandwagon, which needless-to-say, irritated Henry to the end that he'd confiscate my cell phone battery until just before he left my presence. We'd spend hours over dinner talking and listening to each other. He would always tell me, "Don't be vain", to which I responded with rolling eyes. I sometimes intentionally annoyed him with my "vanity", and one day he told me I should cover my hair. He never gave a firm answer why and I wasn't sure if he was telling me to or just suggesting it as a modest behavior that I could incorporate into my daily life. I shrugged, not paying mind to what he said. He himself would dress fairly plainly with khakis and plain shoes, sweaters and a frequent black peacoat. At one point, he told my brother and me that he would highly consider horse-and-buggy if his work didn't require such a long commute. After 8 years, I thought he'd stay forever. We had become incredibly close and our friendship, though unconventional, was one that I will always hold dear.
"It won't be the same without you," he whispered in my ear one winter night. We were coming home from an outing and he we were walking up my front steps. No one else heard those words, just me. I was a tad stunned and confused by what he said, but when I asked what he meant, he was silent. Losing him was hard enough, but there was no goodbye or exact reason why. It was like he just simply closed a door and vanished in thin air as I watched through a window, fog swallowing up the glass like roots of a flower crawl through soil. But it was cold. He happened to leave at the peak of my illness, and my heart fell.
I looked up to him so much and it never once crossed my mind that he'd leave my life. It's been a little over 3.5 years since we last saw or spoke to each other in any way. The only vivid memory I have of him is what it felt like to bury my face in his upper arm and shoulder. I did that quite frequently to him since I was a tiny little girl until the day he left in January, 2011. It was like losing a brother. Following his departure, I went through a heavy depression, attempted suicide and cried. I was emotionally numb for about a year, but after I accepted Christ as Lord 10 months later, Spring came back into my heart.
The Headcovering...
I was 17 when I put on my first Headcovering. That was 2 years ago. It was a Paisley $1.00 kerchief, but when I looked in the mirror, I smiled and knew in my heart that Henry would be so pleased. Though my family tried their very best to console me through my initial grief, as the years went by, it became harder and harder for my loved ones to understand why I still grieved for him. I recently made Henry a silent promise within myself that should my future husband agree to it, I will name the our son after Henry, should I have a boy down the road. That's how much he meant to me as a child.
I spent the last several months in prayer regarding Henry and the Headcovering. I did much research on modest dress, Christian reasons for the Headcovering and what God thought of it. I found in 1 Corinthians that at one time, women did cover their hair when they prayed, as the hair was considered their glory, but verse 16 says that the custom is no more, rather something to consider. I don't believe I need to cover my hair to pray, but I cover to honor Henry, and doing so provides a level of peace for me. I more recently purchased two reversible Amish-made ones, which I often go for instead of the dollar-store kerchiefs (though I have a collection of them). Many people ask me why I wear the kerchiefs. For me, it is my way of honoring God's view about purity. Though I am not required by God or anyone else to cover my hair, doing so is a reminder of what I stand for. Some days, I choose not to cover my hair, but often I do. I want to ensure that I am presenting myself in a loving, decent way. And that's one way I do it. Other days, I let my hair be uncovered and there is no sin in that.
"Her Hair Is Her Glory"
One of the common traditions in the Amish church districts is for a single woman to keep her hair covered at all times until her marriage, at which time she will "let down her hair" for only her new husband to see. When I learned this, I thought it was so sweet and it moved me. The Bible says that the woman's hair is her glory (1 Cor 11), and the Amish believe that they should take care of their hair, but not be prideful of it. It is a very wonderful moment for newly-weds when the bride takes off her headcovering for her husband. It signifies her loyalty, love and respect for the man that God gave her to spend her life with.
Links To Buy Quality Headcoverings...
Here are several sites that I suggest you browse through.
- "Christian Coverings™" - this store has a variety of long veils, and snoods
- "Head Covering Veils" - you'll find black or white bun doilies and covers in a variety of styles at this site
- "Headcoverings by Devorah" - this link brings you to the cowl snood section, for those who like long, flowing coverage
- "Mennonite Maidens" - the link brings up the "Round Eastern Prayer Covering" made of white mesh, cotton fabric
Modest Apparel...
Your clothing says a lot about what you stand for and what you think about and care about. Your passions and personality are important, because they define who you are as an individual, but you must take care to remember that you will always be giving some sort of impression everywhere you go, to everyone you meet or pass by. That is why one of the first things people notice about you is your clothes and what they say. Halloween-inspired, risqué or prejudice images, accessories or text on your clothing might lead a person to assume that you are someone who does not care about life, only lives moment-by-moment or has a dark or depressing mindset. On the contrary, if you were to wear clothing that was ironed, professional or more casual, you would most likely seem more approachable, confident and kind. Dressing this way would also tell people that you care about looking presentable and that you take the occasion seriously. You would've put a lot of thought into how you present yourself, and from a Christian point of view, dressing in this manner would say that you respect God's Will for you to be respectful, modest and mindful of how we choose to act. I personally have the mindset that i f it is not appropriate to wear around a boss, chances are, it is not appropriate apparel for any other occasion. There is definitely a line that can be crossed for both extremes, so finding the balance of how to let yourself and others enjoy your appearance while also not flaunting.
Sometimes I like to add subtle makeup for important days, or even on regular days. I strongly believe it is important for men and women to appreciate their beauty, and to respect their bodies for what God made them to be and why. It is important to humble yourself as well and present yourselves as such.
Links To Browse Modest "Plain"-Inspired Apparel...
- "Modestly Covered" - Brianna's store for those who are interested in her clothing style (on hold)
- "Babies' Modest Clothes" - site displays links to online stores for baby clothes
- "The King's Daughters" - lovely dresses greatly Amish-Mennonite Inspired for all ages, includes bonnets
My Personal Modesty Standards...
***Everyone holds their own interpretation of what modesty is to them, but here are my personal standards:
- Skirts are preferably no shorter than ankle-length (I've always detested showing my legs since I was a child)
simple, plain designs for apparel
bright colors or designs are distracting and take away from your smile
- Sleeves are a must (when you raise your arm, can someone see your underarm?)
- leggings are not pants, but can be worn under dresses/skirts for added coverage
- kerchiefs are okay, but I now prefer to wear them with my hair in a bun
- cowl snoods (as seen up above by Devorah) are great for covering all hair
- camisoles are great for added coverage underneath tops
**IMPORTANT!!** I will warn you that dressing in this manner can easily become legalistic, so spend time in prayer on the issue. Talk to others who are endeavoring to dress similarly. God knows my heart and reasons, so I'm secure in doing this. Please never do something without knowing what Scripture says about it!! Always know WHY you're doing something and let it be because "The Word Says", not because people say to.
Bible Verses To Read...
Here are some verses that talk about the Headcovering / Modesty / Marriage & Family:
"A Virtuous Woman" (Proverbs 31:10-31 KJV) - a beautiful section of Scripture talking about the duties of the wife and mother, her worth and how loved she is
"The Headcovering Custom" (1 Cor 11:5-16 KJV) - note that verse 16 says it is no longer required, but something to think about
"Modesty": 1 Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 11:22, Matt 6:21, Matt 23:27, 1 Timothy 2:9, 1 John 2:16
"Marriage & Family": Titus 2:3-5, Eph 5:22, Eph 4:15 (speaking the truth in love), 1 Peter 3:4
Videos That Inspired My Modest Apparel Convictions:
"Amish: A Secret Life" - Marriam and David tell their story of being Amish members. I just adore the way Marriam carries herself
"Trouble In Amish Paradise" - I consider Ephraim and Amanda and their children dear friends. Their story is also an incredible journey. You can read about my visit with them here
"Brianna's Story" - At the time of the interview, Brianna was almost 18. Her quiet voice and wonderful heart is an absolute joy to hear
"Advice For the Plain-Inspired Woman" - I absolutely love some of this woman's videos regarding the headcovering and modest dress. If you have time, check out her channel!
FAQs:
Q: I'm young and my parents don't see my views. They aren't supporting me in dressing this way. What should I do?
A: Submit, as long as it isn't a safety hazard. Will they allow skirts? Request a compromise of only wearing skirts and dresses to church. Right now, God wants you to submit to your parents. Pray for them that they may begin to consider your desire to dress the way you want, but don't fight them.
Q: What if people make fun of me for dressing Plainly at school?
A: Be a light to those that are mean. Set the right example and tell an authority figure whom you trust and/or love that you know will handle it as peacefully as possible.
Q: Can I dress in Amish clothes if I'm not joining the church?
A: yes. The Amish aren't usually offended by this, but remember to ask yourself the reason for wanting to look like them. Will it be deceiving to others? A stumbling block? What is the profit? Instead, I recommend looking into long skirts and roomy shirts or blouses.
Q: How is Marie Stoltzfus today?
A: Marie has been 100% healed of the cancer! Amanda recently had another baby - a girl - Dora Grace, and the entire family is well and blessed. They appreciate everyone's prayers!
Q: Where can I find the black kerchief Miriam is wearing in her documentary?
A: You can get it from plainlydressed.com and it's wonderful quality, however, I do NOT suggest ordering from that site as it has been known to scam, scam, scam!
Got a question about Plain Clothing, the Amish / Mennonites or my personal adoption of simple clothes? Email it here! See my answer on FACEBOOK only!!!